April 30, 2007

Best funny quotes from The Office 04/26/07

Jim dressed and mimicking Dwight

“Glasses four dollars, and it only cost me $7 to create the rest of the ensemble and that is a total cost of”, (Jim calculating on his wrist watch) “$11.”

Dwight “Identity theft is not a joke Jim, millions of families suffer every year.” After Jim pulls out a mimicked Dwight bobble head doll.

Someone at the Paper mill got pissed off and put an obscene watermark on the paper. The water mark was of two cartoon animals engaging in sex.

Creed to the camera, “Every week I am supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot check at the paper mill, of course the one year I blow it off this happens.”

Creed again to the camera, “the only thing that separates me from a homeless man is this job, and I will do whatever it takes like when I was a homeless man.”

Dwight to the camera, “First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top, the ones that make you pull the car over and go I need this beet right now, those are the money beets.”

Dwight to a reporter covering the paper scandal, “here are your credentials you’ve been granted level three security clearance, don’t get excited that’s out of twenty.”

Michael to an upset customer who won’t accept his apology and threatens to call the better business bureau, “Well I’m calling the ungrateful biatch hotline.”

Dwight explaining why he thinks the sex the cartoon animals were engaging in was consensual, “May I point out the sex appeared to be consensual, both animals were smiling.” “I grew up on a farm I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable goat on chicken, chicken on goat, couple of chickens doing a goat, a couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.”

Michael making his apology video, “I am not leaving this office. I am never leaving; it will take a swat team to remove me from this office and maybe not even then.” Dwight interrupting, “Uh you could never withstand a swat team.” Michael responding, “That’s how devoted I am to this job.” Dwight interrupting again, “I’m just saying they would flank you, throw in a concussion grenade, you’d be on the ground blind, deaf, dumb.”

Michael continuing his apology video, “They’re trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired I swear to g-d that every single piece of copier paper will have the F word on it, the F word! You have one day.” Pam asks, “One day for what?” Michael answers, “That’s, they always give an ultimatum.” Pam says, “That was your best apology video ever.” Michael responds, “I agree.”

Dwight dressed as and mimicking Jim, “Hey Karen, wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse cause you’re my girlfriend.”